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A dude with a purple beard and a bunch of blue hairs.  Yeah.  This is gonna work

 

For me, getting out of Southern California this summer is a foregone conclusion.  The only thing I’m not sure of is where to go.  I looked at Memphis, but when the realton said, “No matter where you live I suggest an alarm system and iron bars on the door,” that was enough for me.  I thought about Oregon, but couldn’t find anything I liked in the price I could afford, so my search continues.

Why Branson?

Houses are Cheap As (Insert Your Own Adjective or Profanity)

For $125,000 in Branson I can get 2,200 sq. ft AND 2 acres,  For 125K in So. Cal I can get the back side of a bus bench with a tarp and sleeping bag.  Cooler and cooking device are on my own.  Also, there’s no lock or anything so some other homeless guy may claim it if I try to go to work.  Then we have to Bum Fight for the shelter.

WINNER: Branson

 

My Friend Chris said Women In Missouri Have Big Boobs

Chris is a trustworthy guy, but I Googled many different variations of “what states have the largest breasts” and all I found out is that American women are generally found to be among the largest, if not the largest in the world.  That really doesn’t help me much, though it’s definitely good to know that the US is once again staying ahead of the curve.

What can I say about So Cal that hasn’t already been said a thousand times elsewhere?  All I’ll say is that my friend Steve and I used to drink pitchers on the balcony of Hurricanes on Main Street in Huntington Beach and watch the ladies walk to the beach.

After much fruitless research into the subject of which state has the largest breasts, I think I’ll hold judgment until I actually visit Branson later this month,  After all, Missouri is the Show- Me State.

WINNER      TBA

 

Sugar Mamas

I’m not into that sort of thing, but with all the senior groups traipsing through town,  if one had the proclivity for older women, I would see how Branson could hold a certain appeal.

If the women can have their Sugar Daddies, I guess guys could have Sugar Mamas.  I don’t personally see the appeal, but then, I never got the whole Julia Roberts thing.  People made her out to be a Goddess and she was mediocre at best.  To each his own….

WINNER      There is no winner

 

The Ozark Mountains

Living near the beach definitely, has its perks.  And it’s drawbacks.  As I’m searching for a spot at Dog Beach in Huntington Beach, I smell the exhaust of the cars in front of me as they wait for surfers to get every grain of sand off of their board, wetsuit and everything else so as not to trash the 1998 Camry they came in.

Waking up and not seeing the layer of smog resting against the San Gabriel and San Bernardino Mountains would be strange for me but I think I could handle waking up to clean air and going fishing and doing all that Grizzly Adams stuff.

Maybe not all of it, but at least some of the mountain man stuff.

WINNER   Branson

 

Branson is Where Old Vegas Acts Go To Die and Vegas Never Will Be Acts Can Be Stars

According to Trip Advisor, I can see Hammer and his Unbelievable Variety Show from just $37.94 and former Vegas star illusionist and now Branson headliner Rick Thomas for the low, low price of $39.00.

Oh, wait.  The ad said, Hamner, and not Hammer.  I don’t care anymore.  No offense to the cast of a show that I am sure is worth all $37.94. but I like to kick it old school and seeing Hammer would be fly.

In A Tribute to John Denver, does it end suddenly on a mountainside?  Yeah, I know that one was over the line, but I had to say it to someone and I work alone.  Plus, every person I would have texted would have said to NOT to put that joke in.  My friend Sugar did point out that Denver made the plane himself, so, you know….

Southern California makes movies and tv shows plus records hit records.  I would say that’s better than The Carpenters Once More, A Tribute to George Strait Dinner Show and Branson’s Famous Baldknobbers (I did NOT make that one up) all put together.

WINNER:  So Cal              
DISCLAIMER:  If there was  Hammer show, Branson would win

 

I’ll wait until visiting Branson at the end of the month before making my final decision on who wins, Branson or So Cal.  Stay tuned for the results.  Also, don’t count on me seeing the Baldknobbers (or any other cheesy-ass show) while I’m there.

 

 


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